If you find yourself in conflict with someone you care about, ask yourself why. Is it because you want something to go your way? Sometimes we get so busy protecting our egos that we get embroiled in very intense battles.

Anger is a “get my way” behavior. If you recognize that you use anger to get your way, are you ready to do something different? If you are, decide to look at the situation as having many different possible solutions. Maybe yours is not the only way.

To begin, ask yourself these important questions:

1. Do I want to win the argument or win the relationship? If you simply argue to win the argument, you can look forward to a lonely life. If you’re in a relationship, you will spend a lot of time feeling miserable and blaming your partner if you fight to win. Ask yourself if continued conflict is worth the price you are paying. Decide what you want to do instead.

2. What rule states that someone else “should” do what I want? Usually, when you want something done your way and you throw in the word “should” you are expressing a belief. Just because you believe something should be done a certain way doesn’t make it true. Remember that you are a volunteer in your relationship and so is your partner. If you begin dictating how your partner should behave, your partner will resist. NO ONE likes to be controlled.

3. Is it really true that my happiness depends on what my loved one does or doesn’t do? Think about this. If you really believe this, you are saying you are a helpless victim and your happiness is totally dependent on your partner doing everything just the way you want it. Choose instead to take responsibility for what you can control: your own behavior.

4. What are some options to solve this problem? Agree to set aside some time for you and your partner to brainstorm some options. They can be wild, far out ideas; it doesn’t matter. You want to generate many possible ways to solve the problem. Be careful that your solutions don’t start with what your partner should do. Keep the focus on personal responsibility. In fact, you could write at the top of a piece of paper the words “I can” then list the things you can do to solve the problem.

5. How can I be a part of the solution? This is taking personal responsibility. It’s a good idea to have this question at the front of your mind at all times. When you take personal responsibility, it’s very hard for you to blame your partner.

6. In the grand scheme of things, how important is this? We only have a short period of time to live our life. Do you want to spend your life in conflict? Do you want to spend your life being jerked around by your ego? Or would you rather spend your time wisely, connecting with the people you care about?

7. Can I decide to Let it Go? “Let It Go” is the phrase I want you to keep in mind. So many things are trivial until we make them important. You can choose harmony with your loved one. You can choose flexibility and watch conflict disappear.

For more tips and tools for attracting love and prosperity into your life, visit http://www.michellevasquez.com For weekly tips and tools sign up for Michelle’s free newsletter, Relationship Success, while you’re there.

You can also visit http://languageofrelating.blogspot.com and http://powerofgratitude.blogspot.com

Michelle E. Vasquez is a Relationship Coach in San Antonio, Texas. She specializes in helping people attract the life they want and create the relationships that bring them joy. She is available for in office and phone coaching for individuals and couples who want to create more joy in their relationships.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Michelle_Vasquez