First, we need to understand the concept of “shadow negotiation.” Shadow negotiation is the type of interpersonal communication and power plays that go on in the “shadows” or behind-the-scenes, which determine the amount of give-and-take there will be in the negotiation. For example, a co-worker who has done you a favor in the past might be expecting a return favor in the current negotiation without anything being said. It’s important when dealing with shadow negotiation to surface the rules and expectations being used in the shadows such as the expectation that compromise between two co-workers will be expected. Remember that a slight change in your position, such as surfacing what’s in the shadows, will create a dynamic shift in the negotiation. The question to be asked here is: what do each of us have in our minds that we need to surface before we begin negotiating?

Negotiation is always about two things: substance (what people have to say about the issue) and the relationship (balancing the terms in the relationship such as equality and subordination). It’s important to realize that reaching resolution in the substance portion of the negotiation does not necessarily mean there is resolution in the relationship portion. Fisher and Ury in Getting To Yes, suggest “It is important to carry on negotiation in a way that will help rather than hinder future relations. The ongoing relationship is far more important than the outcome of a particular negotiation.” With this in mind, we should focus on what’s called integrative negotiation rather than distributive negotiation. Integrative negotiation focuses on “expanding the pie,” allowing for trade-offs and exploring issues from multiple angles – what we might call a win-win approach. Distributive negotiation is a win-lose approach which focuses on personal gain and ultimately can destroy the relationship.