Learning to Share – Conflict Resolution for Parents and Childcare …

If your child is in daycare, it’s likely that you’ll eventually disagree with something your childcare provider does or says. Recognizing when to say something, and how to approach the subject with your provider, will help maintain a positive relationship between you and your childcare provider and a healthy environment for your child.

The best way to resolve a conflict is to never let it happen in the first place. Make sure you communicate with your childcare provider, letting them know your expectations about the care you want your child to receive. If there are things that you absolutely want a certain way, like your child not watching any television or eating sweets, make sure you discuss them in the initial interview. It’s also important to understand that parents and providers can have different views regarding appropriate ways to raise a child. Understanding that your provider may not do things exactly as you would, but that your child is still receiving quality care, is vital in preventing conflict.

Despite the best communication, you still may disagree with something your childcare provider does while caring for your child. Try to say something as soon as you notice an issue. The longer you let an issue go, the more chance there is for it to grow into something bigger. Also, the sooner you address the issue, the sooner you can resolve it and clear the air in your relationship. Not addressing the problem right away could create enough stress with your provider that you are not able to repair the relationship and may need to find a new provider.

Ask your provider for a time to discuss the issue. If possible, choose a time when you and your provider can talk without distractions. Don’t talk in the doorway with your child tugging at your leg or when your provider is trying to manage 6 toddlers. Allowing you both to focus on the conversation will help you hear what each other is saying and really understand each other.

Explain your concern in simple terms, but do not accuse or blame your provider. Use statements like, “I have a concern about how much television Mike is watching”, instead of, “You are letting Mike watch too much television”. Both statements give the same message, but the delivery style of the first one is less accusing and will help foster a better discussion. You are both invested in the care of your child, and being able to discuss any issues rationally and openly will help your child receive quality care. Discuss the behavior that concerned you, why it concerned you, and what you would like done to correct the situation. Listen carefully to your provider so she can explain her thoughts on the situation. There may be safety or logistics reasons why your provider is doing something a certain way.

Once you have discussed the issue, restate the solution that you both agreed on. That way, you can make sure you both understand what the next steps are and how the issue is going to be resolved. A question like, “Do you feel comfortable with the solution we decided on”, is a good way to make sure you both are on the same page, and gives your provider the chance to say if something is still bothering her.

Melissa Newby, MSW, has worked as a therapist and in marketing. She also co- founded http://www.daycarematch.com with her husband.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Melissa_Newby


Gangs And Your Children

The ‘COPS’ (USDOJ (800)-421-6770) provide ‘A Parents Quick Reference Guide’ to help recognize and prevent their child’s gang involvement. The warning signs and suggestions for prevention below are NOT all encompassing and some musical preferences and popular clothing, etc, common among youth are not necessarily indications at all.

Parents are encouraged by the ‘COPS’ and FBI Youth programs to be vigilant and to familiarize themselves with local gang symbols, seek help early, and consider contacting school personnel, local law enforcement, faith leaders and community organization for additional assistance.

· Shows an unusual interest in one or two particular colors of clothing or a particular logo.
· Has an unusual interest in gangster-influenced music, videos, movies, or websites.

Uses unusual hand signals to communicate with friends.
· Has specific drawings or gang symbols on school books, clothes, walls, or tattoos
· Comes home with unexplained physical injuries (fighting-related bruises, injuries to hand/knuckles)
· Has unexplained cash or goods, such as clothing or jewelry
· Carries a weapon
· Exhibits negative changes in behavior such as: Withdrawing from family, Declining school attendance, performance, behavior
· Staying out late without reason
· Displaying an unusual desire for secrecy
· Exhibiting signs of drug use
· Breaking rules consistently
· Speaking in gang style slang

What Parents Can do to prevent Gang Involvement:

*Spend quality time with your child.
*Get involved in childs school activities.
*Take Action & create a neighborhood alliance, report & remove graffiti, etc.
*Be a positive role model by example.
*Know your child’s friends & families.
*Encourage good study habits.
*Teach your child to cope with peer pressure.
*Help your child develop good conflict/resolution skills as found at safe youth org.
*Encourage your child to participate in after school activities with adult supervision.
*Talk to your child about the dangers and consequences of gang involvement. Let your child know you do not want to see them hurt or arrested.

Explain that they should NOT:

1. Associate with gang members.

2. Attend parties or social events sponsored by gangs.

3. They should not use hand signs, symbols or languages that is meaningful to gangs.

4. NOT wear clothing including specific colors that may have meaning to gangs in the area.

Betty Jo Sheley, http://www.showlinehomesecurity.com Owner Security Products website for Home and Personal Protection. Author participated in Mayoral Conflict Resolution Institute, Community Think Tank Studies. Advise Author of article reprint including my link.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Betty_Jo_Sheley


Conflict Resolution Skills Can Be Learned

Fear of conflict is common.

We are anxious when we recall past quarrels and disagreements that resulted in personal injury, either physical or emotional. We remember feeling frightened, defeated and powerless.

To avoid repeating the experience, we can become passive, agreeable or accepting. We try to please the challenger, so they do not strike out again. We believe we have some power over the other person’s outbursts thinking; “If I change… things will be better.”

We may withdraw from the situation, believing the problem will be solved with time. Withdrawal, not talking or avoiding contact can also be a attempt at control. Solutions are not possible with the other person absent.

Acting in these ways will not help the situation improve.

Problems need to be solved to go away. Unresolved power struggles resurface disguised in different situations.

If we verbally and physically beat on others, we have not accepted personal responsibility for our behaviour. We think others control us. Someone else “makes” me angry. We are really saying; “I do not have control over myself.”

When we lash out at the ideas others present, we reveal our own anxiety. This insecurity can lead to frightening, overpowering behaviour. Conflict can only be resolved without name calling, hitting, threats of bodily harm and undermining the other person’s self esteem. An atmosphere of safety is necessary.

Each person must gain control over their own behaviour. We must choose to accept responsibility for our thoughts, words and deeds. We have the power to change ourselves!

Identifying a specific problem is the first step to solving it.

Resolving a deep problem often means solving smaller superficial differences first.

We must also let go of the idea that there is always a winner and a loser. When we think we know the one “right” way, we limit our ability to negotiate. Gaining suitable results, requires a struggle to find common ground. All parties involved need to commit to solving the problems.

By sticking to the issues, using examples to make our points and communicating our wants clearly, specific areas needing resolution can be pin pointed. A desire to resolve the difference must be honestly present in each person.

Marilyn Barnicke Belleghem M.Ed., is a registered marriage and family therapist and consults to families in business on issues related to workplace relationships. She is the author of books on personal growth through travel. http://www.mbcinc.ca

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Marilyn_Barnicke_Belleghem

Conflict Resolution … What The Heck Are You Thinking?

Do you get frustrated with your spouse, your kids, your parents? Maybe you can’t stand your boss, or your co-workers drive you up the wall. I’ll bet you think that if all these pesky people would just quit bothering you that you’d be really happy, right? Well guess what, you’d just find something else to drive you crazy because you like how it feels.

You THINK you don’t want to feel upset or frustrated, but really, it is your THOUGHTS that are causing you pain, not the feelings. Try this. The next time you find yourself upset about something, STOP THINKING. Just stop the head for a minute and feel what is going on inside your body. Feel your heart rate, notice your breathing, pay attention where your body feels tight. STOP THINKING! Maybe you’ll notice that your heart is racing, your breath is shallow, and your stomach is clenched.

Now think of a time when you had these same physical sensations but you were in a “happy place.” Perhaps you were having an amorous evening with your significant other, or you were at a sporting event and cheering on your winning team, or you were anxiously awaiting the surprise guest of honor at a party. You experience that same exhilarating feeling in both Joy and Conflict.

If you want to have fewer conflicts in your life, you can start by admitting that you like that stimulating feeling you get when you’re frustrated. Try this the next time you’re sitting there, stewing in your own juices because “someone” ticked you off:

1. STOP THINKING … Put all of your excuses, arguments, and validations on hold.

2. FEEL THE FEELING … What are your physical sensations?

3. REMEMBER … When have you enjoyed this same physical feeling in the past?

4. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY … You wanted to feel exhilaration and you got it. Now own it.

Once you take responsibility, you’ll see that it’s pointless to blame others when you get upset, frustrated, and angry. The truth is, you’re really getting a kick out of it. After you’ve followed this sequence a few times, you’ll discover a knee-jerk reaction to conflict that will remind you that you got frustrated just so you could feel the excitement.

5. LAUGH … Don’t take yourself so seriously. It’s actually kinda funny.

If frustration and conflict work for you, then by all means, don’t try this. Just keep doing what you’re doing, and you’ll keep getting what you’ve always gotten. I promise, this will only work if you practice it. Once you’ve tried this suggestion a few times, you’ll discover that your THINKING is causing your conflicts and you’ll realize just how silly that is.

“There is nothing either bad or good, but thinking makes it so.” –William Shakespeare

©Dawn Breeze-George. Reprint rights granted with article and resource box intact.

Support your Health and Energy level while you are evolving into a Joyful person with Original Noni Juice from Tahiti: http://www.nonijuice.bravehost.com Register here to win a FREE trip to Tahiti!

Dawn Breeze-George is a Licensed Massage Therapist, Reiki Master and Holistic Practitioner. Dawn has been practicing Holistic healing for more than 18 years, and is committed to healing the body, mind, and spirit. See my story at: http://www.nonijuice.bravehost.com/dawn.html

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Conflict Resolution

Conflict Resolution is a skill set necessary for survival in today’s business world. The ability to recognize conflict, understand the nature of conflict and to be able to bring swift and fair resolution to conflict will serve you well as a senior executive or entrepreneur. In today’s blog post I’ll share my perspective on the art and science of conflict resolution.

How many times over the years have you witnessed otherwise savvy professionals self-destruct because they wouldn’t engage out of a fear of conflict? Putting one’s head in the sand and hoping that conflict will pass you by is not the most effective methodology for problem solving. Conflict rarely resolves itself…In fact, conflict normally escalates if not dealt with proactively and properly. It is not at all uncommon to see what might have been a non-event manifest itself into a monumental problem if not resolved early on.

Developing effective conflict resolution skill sets are an essential component of a building a sustainable business model. Unresolved conflict often results in a loss of productivity, stifles creativity, and creates barriers to cooperation. While conflict is a normal part of any social and organizational setting, the challenge of conflict lies in how one chooses to deal with it. Concealed or avoided, conflict will likely fester only to grow into resentment, create withdrawal or cause factional infighting within an organization.

So, what creates conflict in the workplace? Opposing positions, competitive tensions, power struggles, ego, pride, jealousy, performance discrepancies, compensation issues, just someone having a bad day, etc. While the answer to the previous question would appear to lead to the conclusion that just about anything and everything creates conflict, the reality is that the root of most conflict is either born out of poor communication or the inability to control one’s emotions. Let’s examine these 2 major causes of conflict:

Communication: I’ve heard it said that 90% of all problems in business could be avoided with better communication. My personal opinion is the number is closer to 50% (with the remaining 50% being caused by unmanaged emotions). If you reflect back upon conflicts you have encountered over the years you’ll quickly recognize that many of them resulted from a lack of information, poor information, no information or misinformation. Let’s assume for a moment that you were lucky enough to have received good information but didn’t know what to do with it…That is still a communication problem, which can in turn lead to conflict. Clear, concise, accurate and timely communication of information will help to ease both the number and severity of conflicts.

Emotions: Another common mistake made in workplace communications that leads to conflict is letting emotions drive decisions. I have observed countless examples of people who jeopardize their future to protect their emotions, when what they should have done was protect their future by exhibiting control over their emotions. I have witnessed otherwise savvy executives place the need for emotional superiority ahead of achieving their mission (not that they always understood this at the time). Case in point…have you ever witnessed an employee throw a fit of rage and resign their position in the heat of the moment? If you have, what you really watched was a person comforting their emotions rather than protecting their future.

The very bane of human existence which is in fact human nature itself will always create gaps in thinking and philosophy and no matter how much we all wish it wasn’t so…it is. So the question then becomes how to effectively deal with conflict when it arises.

It is essential for organizational health and performance that conflict be accepted and addressed through effective conflict resolution processes. While having a conflict resolution structure is important, effective utilization of conflict resolution processes is ultimately dependant upon the ability of all parties to understand the benefits of conflict resolution and perhaps more importantly their desire to resolve the matter. The following tips will help to more effective handle conflicts in the workplace:

Define Acceptable Behavior: You know what they say about assuming…Just having a definition for what constitutes acceptable behavior is a positive step in avoiding conflict. Creating a framework for decisioning, using a published delegation of authority statement, encouraging best practices in collaboration, team building, leadership development and talent management will all help avoid conflicts. Having clearly defined job descriptions so that people know what’s expected of them and a well articulated chain of command to allow for effective communication will also help avoid conflicts.

Hit conflict head on: While you can’t always prevent conflicts it has been my experience that the secret to conflict resolution is in fact conflict prevention where possible. By actually seeking out areas of potential conflict and proactively intervening in a fair and decisive fashion you will likely prevent certain conflicts from ever arising and if a conflict does flair up, you will likely minimize its severity by dealing with it quickly.

Understanding the WIIFM factor: Understanding the other professionals WIIFM (What’s In It For Me) position is critical. It is absolutely essential to understand other’s motivations prior to weighing in. The way to avoid conflict is to help those around you achieve their objectives. If you approach conflict from the perspective of taking the action that will help others best achieve their goals you will find few obstacles will stand in your way with regard to resolving conflict.

The Importance Factor: Pick your battles and avoid conflict for the sake of conflict. However if the issue is important enough to create a conflict then it is surely important enough to resolve. If the issue, circumstance or situation is important enough and there is enough at stake people will do what is necessary to open lines of communication and close positional gaps.

Bottom line…I believe resolution can normally be found with conflicts where there is a sincere desire to do so. Turning the other cheek, compromise, forgiveness, compassion, empathy, finding common ground, being an active listener, service above self and numerous other approaches will always allow one to be successful in building rapport if the underlying desire is strong enough.

Mike Myatt is the Chief Strategy Officer at N2growth. N2growth is a leading venture growth consultancy providing a unique array of professional services to high growth companies on a venture based business model. The rare combination of branding and corporate identity services, capital formation assistance, market research and business intelligence, sales and product engineering, leadership development and talent management, as well as marketing, advertising and public relations services make N2growth the industry leader in strategic growth consulting. More information about the company can be found at http://www.N2growth.com or by viewing http://www.N2growth.com/blog

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Mike_Myatt

Conflict Resolution

Sibling Fighting – Teach Our Kids to Resolve Conflict Peacefully

After 18 years of working with parents and families I have finally worked out the cause of sibling fighting.

Having more than one child.

Sibling fighting tends to come with the parenting territory. It is born from rivalry or competitiveness between siblings and shows itself through mindless arguments, noisy squabbles, physical means, verbal put-downs and even long silences.

Kids have L plates on when it comes to resolving conflict with their siblings. They can learn better ways of resolving conflict than resorting to reflexive means such as hitting, shouting and generally playing the person rather than the “ball”.

The key is to help children focus on the problem not their sibling.

As a parent it is difficult to know how to respond when kids squabble, fight or argue. Do I ignore the squabble or do I become involved? Good question. Bear it (if you are a saint you maybe able to ignore it), Beat it (go elsewhere when they fight) and Boot them out (noisy disputes are best settled outside) come from the let-them-work-it-out-themselves school of thought. There is a time and place for this approach.

But kids also at times regardless of their age need some positive parental input into resolving issues. Here are some ideas for you to think about:

1. Focus on emotions first. Emotional containment is a priority here. Get kids to calm down before you help them work their problems. This may mean they sit for a while on their own or go outside and let off steam physically. Once emotions are contained then you can get down to business.
2. Focus on the problem not the fight. Kids will want parents to punish their sibling for beginning a dispute or infringing on their rights. Drill down onto the issue (e.g. a better way of watching TV, sharing toys or whatever) and focus on resolving that. Direct children to focus on the issue not the fight.
3. Listen to their story. Kids generally want to be heard so listen to their side of the story and again, try focusing on how they feel about it. Give their emotions a name or label. “It sounds like you are pretty angry about it. Would I be right?” Sometimes this is enough to get a resolution to an issue. “Okay you can play with my old toys but I don’t want you playing with my new toys for a while. They’re special.” “Okay.”
4. State the problem as you see it. When kids are stuck tell the problem as you see it. Try to develop a sense of ‘other’ here by showing how a child’s behaviour affected his or her sibling, without using shaming or blaming. If you can brainstorm a solution so be it. Otherwise they can agree to disagree and stay clear of each other.
5. Restore the relationship. Keep the relationship as the focus rather than focusing on the problem. With young children the issue they were fighting about is generally long-gone by the time a parent intervenes. An apology, a hug, a joint treat (and no I am not suggesting rewarding poor behaviour ) or redirecting kids’ attention elsewhere are some ways to help restore the relationship between the kids.

Conflict resolution sounds easy on paper but it is hard to do in practice. Helping children resolve disputes is one of life’s most difficult tasks – ask any teacher and they will tell you playground squabbles are the hardest things to deal with. (Not to mention the children’s squabbles!!!)

Be smart. Choose your times to help kids out. Don’t respond reflexively to kids’ telling tales or you will soon join in the sibling dance. Look for opportunities to help children to resolve disputes by focusing on the problem, not the person.

Oh, and don’t forget to model good conflict resolution yourself. Your kids are watching and learning from you!

Michael Grose is a popular parenting educator and parent coach. He is the director of Parentingideas, the author of seven books for parents and a popular presenter who speaks to audiences in Australia, Singapore and the USA. For ideas and resources to help deal with sibling fighting and other behaviour issues visit http://parentingideas.oandc.com.au/pishop/index.php?cPath=21_40

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Michael_Grose

Conflict Resolution Skills Can Be Learned

Fear of conflict is common.

We are anxious when we recall past quarrels and disagreements that resulted in personal injury, either physical or emotional. We remember feeling frightened, defeated and powerless.

To avoid repeating the experience, we can become passive, agreeable or accepting. We try to please the challenger, so they do not strike out again. We believe we have some power over the other person’s outbursts thinking; “If I change… things will be better.”

We may withdraw from the situation, believing the problem will be solved with time. Withdrawal, not talking or avoiding contact can also be a attempt at control. Solutions are not possible with the other person absent.

Acting in these ways will not help the situation improve.

Problems need to be solved to go away. Unresolved power struggles resurface disguised in different situations.

If we verbally and physically beat on others, we have not accepted personal responsibility for our behaviour. We think others control us. Someone else “makes” me angry. We are really saying; “I do not have control over myself.”

When we lash out at the ideas others present, we reveal our own anxiety. This insecurity can lead to frightening, overpowering behaviour. Conflict can only be resolved without name calling, hitting, threats of bodily harm and undermining the other person’s self esteem. An atmosphere of safety is necessary.

Each person must gain control over their own behaviour. We must choose to accept responsibility for our thoughts, words and deeds. We have the power to change ourselves!

Identifying a specific problem is the first step to solving it.

Resolving a deep problem often means solving smaller superficial differences first.

We must also let go of the idea that there is always a winner and a loser. When we think we know the one “right” way, we limit our ability to negotiate. Gaining suitable results, requires a struggle to find common ground. All parties involved need to commit to solving the problems.

By sticking to the issues, using examples to make our points and communicating our wants clearly, specific areas needing resolution can be pin pointed. A desire to resolve the difference must be honestly present in each person.

Marilyn Barnicke Belleghem M.Ed., is a registered marriage and family therapist and consults to families in business on issues related to workplace relationships. She is the author of books on personal growth through travel. http://www.mbcinc.ca

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Marilyn_Barnicke_Belleghem

Recommend Relationships: Conflict Resolution Without Words To A …

In the last few decades, partners have spent countless hours trying to “work out problems.” Yet over and over again they often come up against a major roadblock: they just don’t see things the same way. No matter how long they talk and how hard they try, neither ends up feeling really heard and understood.

While there are some couples that just naturally see things the same way, most people have a really hard time seeing things through the other person’s eyes. What often happens when they “communicate” is that each person tries to get the other person to see things his or her way. Instead of solving the problem, each is trying to have control over how the other person sees things. This often leads to more conflict and frustration.

While I am not suggesting that couples stop communicating over problems and issues, I am offering an additional way of resolving conflict: taking loving action in your own behalf.

This form of conflict resolution is about action rather than talk. Following are some of the actions you can take that may make a world of difference in your relationship.

LOVING ACTIONS

1. Choose to be compassionate toward yourself and your partner rather than choosing to judge yourself or your partner.

Judging yourself and your partner will always lead to more conflict. Choosing to compassionately care about yourself and your partner can totally change the energy between you, even without words. If you believe that you or your partner are bad or wrong for your feelings, behavior, or point of view, then you will not be able to let go of judgment. You will move toward compassion when you understand and accept that each of you has very good reasons for your feelings, behavior, and point of view. Try compassionately accepting yourself and your partner and see what happens!

2. Choose to practice self-discipline in terms of saying nothing rather than behaving in an inflammatory way toward your partner.

Practice zipping up your mouth! Practice letting go of having to be right! Practice walking away from a conflicted or heated situation, rather than jumping into the fray in the hopes of winning. If you look back, you will see that no one wins when both people are trying to control with anger, blame, explanations, debating, defending, lectures, or compliance. However, if you choose to walk away, walk away with love and compassion – intent on taking loving care of yourself rather than punishing your partner. Walking away in anger is just another way to control.

3. Choose to accept that you have no control over your partner’s feelings and behavior, but that you have total control over your own actions.

It is much easier to let go of trying to control your partner when you move into acceptance regarding who your partner is. Trying to change your partner is a total waste of energy. Changing yourself moves you into personal power.

4. Choose to take loving care of yourself in the face of the other person’s choices.

You will find yourself wanting to talk about problems when you see yourself as a victim of your partner’s choices. However, when you accept your partner for who he or she is and accept your lack of control over your partner, you can then see your way clear toward taking loving action in your own behalf. Asking the question, “What is the loving action toward myself right now?” will lead to ideas of how to take loving care of your self. Asking, “If I were an enlightened being, how would I be acting right now?” will open the door to creative ways of taking loving care of yourself.

Loving actions are actions that support your own highest good without harming your partner. For example, if you are tired of often being frustrated and rushed because your partner is generally late leaving for an event, you might decide to take your own car each time your partner is not ready on time. While your partner might not like your choice, your action is not harmful to him or her. It is an action that stops the power struggle and takes care of your self.

Letting go of trying to change your partner and taking loving action for your self are the keys to conflict resolution without words.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?” and “Healing Your Aloneness.” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com Phone sessions available.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Margaret_Paul,_Ph.D.

Fighting Like Friends

How do you resolve conflicts amicably with your partner? Well, assuming you do not have irreconcilable differences you can still walk away undamaged and your friendship intact by using “friendly fighting” language and choosing your timing appropriately.

It also helps to in terms of maintaining your relationship to have regular “check in” marker points similar to holding a quarterly review for your business to evaluate how things are going. Making a routine “check up” as part of the health of your relationship adds that extra bit of insurance for those times when you are faced with disagreements.

As for the art of conflict resolution itself, it’s important to first realize that there are different types of conflict. There’s problem solving for issues that arise when maybe one partner has to work a different schedule unexpectedly and you’re suddenly faced with an issue around child care, so you have to figure out what you can do next time to avoid last minute panics. This would be an example of a “solvable problem”.

In fact, most problems can be solved. But what gets in the way is what we call “gridlock” — when either party is willing to give any ground to meet in the middle. Then you have what is called a “perpetual problem” within the relationship which lingers in one form or another. Surprisingly, this too is normal in many relationships. It interesting to note, however, that a certain problem one couple easily solves may turn into gridlock and a perpetual problem for another couple.

Let’s go into a very quick and simple example of gridlock — money being the most common source. I’ll use one of my clients as an example. She wanted her husband to start paying the bills, because she was getting tired of always doing it herself. She also felt that he needed to know something about their finances because if anything ever happened to her, he wouldn’t know what to do.

Yet from the time they were newlyweds he had never shown any interest their finances, even though he’d promise whenever she asked him to get involved. So over the years this pattern of promise and not delivering developed into a perpetual problem. He’d say he would take care of things, but he did so according to his own timeframe and so the bills were never paid on time.

As a result, this caused a lot of resentment and animosity within the relationship. Month after month they’d fight about it, and he would always promise that he’d do it differently next time. But he ran out of next times and his wife finally ended up taking the job back from him and doing it herself.

So by the time they came to see me, she was at her wits end in trying to get him to share in paying the bills. Yet when you realize that a problem is coming up over and over again in your relationship, you also have to start asking yourself, “Is this really worth it?”

If you know your partner is unlikely to ever change in a certain area, maybe you have to decide to accept his idiosyncrasy and start focusing on strengths he has in other areas. Otherwise, she had to be willing to live with her continued resentment and the reality that this perpetual problem, if she did not let go of it, would fuel more arguments in future and even greater gridlock. She decided that she’d rather save her marriage and accept his disinterest in finances.

So, if you have an issue that seems to be played out over and over again in your relationship, you may want to take some time out and decide whether it may just be part of your partner’s personality. Often, it’s that they simply do not have the same emotional investment in that area as you do.

Toni Parker, Ph.D. is a psychotherapist and relationship expert for singles as well as couples, and a sought after speaker internationally. From her private practice in Encino, California, she has become a trusted resource for countless couples world-wide (including Hollywood celebrities) for over 22 years. This wealth of experience along with her engaging presentation style has made her an in demand speaker among Fortune 500 companies and special interest groups worldwide. She’s also a certified Gottman Method Couples Therapist and a Member of the Gottman Relationship Clinic.

To book Toni for a customized presentation or view her most popular workshops and keynotes visit her website at http://www.RealSolutionsForLove.com and hit the “workshops” tab. While you’re there, pick up her latest FREE report, 69 Ways to Increase Intimacy.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Toni_Parker