By Brandi Simon | Submitted On January 23, 2007
There are few things that can damage a marriage or any relationship for that matter than lack of conflict resolution skills. I tend to be quite aggressive and have left my husband wondering what just hit him when I get going with a verbal attack. Then on the opposite end of the spectrum you have the quite types who hold their hostilities inside and never even verbally voice what is bothering them instead choosing to act their frustrations out in inappropriate ways.
So, what are we to do? How can we resolve our conflicts allowing both partners the opportunity to speak without interruption and without being beaten to a pulp by our words? There is one technique and only one that has worked in my family. This was introduced to us by a dear friend and Christian mentor when my husband and I were going through our most difficult times.
Our good friend had us sit across from each other at the table so that we could acknowledge by our eye contact that our attention was fully on the other person. Since I was the one that actually called for the meeting I started. I talked and explained what was bothering me. When my husband interrupted our dear friend gave him a piece of paper and a pen and told him to write it down for when it was his turn. After I got everything out, it was his turn to respond to what I had said. I attempted to interrupt and our friend did the same to me. I had to hold my comments till he was finished then it was my turn again. This went on until each of us had nothing further to say.
Quite frankly, this was the first time in 10 years of marriage that I felt like we actually resolved something and that I was actually heard and understood by my husband. My husband got the benefit of being heard himself since I usually interrupt him and he wasn’t subjected to my harsh belittling words.
This way of communicating may seem a little strange to you but if you will only give it a try it can work wonders in your ability to resolve conflicts in your marriage.
Brandi Simon is the owner of Marital Matters where she offers articles and information for those suffering the effects of an extramarital affair and other relationship issues. Brandi is an affair survivor who has successfully rebuilt her marriage from the ashes and offers advice to those who are recovering. To learn more about the website or Brandi, please visit Marital Matters.
Brandi offers coaching services to those who want to have a better marriage but just aren’t sure how to get there. Brandi believes that no two marriages are the same so, the action plan shouldn’t be the same. When you select Brandi as your coach you’re getting someone who really knows how to have a great marriage and how to guide you to the marriage of your dreams.
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